Red in the reflection of past moments.
Breath fades, as the scar roots take hold.
They build a home in the deepest core.
They build a home in the deepest core.
Gasps forward, and take staggered breaths
of desperation. Shhh don't move.
The shattered within clasps shock's
The shattered within clasps shock's
Rigor Mortis.
The black swells, internal bleeding
of midnight sworn despair. Quiet hope
withers waiting in corridors of twisted
cords of blue and red, standing forward
On temples of useless flesh.
The flash plays in the clockwork mind,
one more time, remember the headlights,
remember the moments once before, she
cries out and the immoveable collides
with breakable, once-full life.
No. She cries. But once was now is,
And what was, just was.
The End.
Well I must say, this was dark. I liked the images, especially "clockwork mind.". I also enjoyed seeing you're use of direct address o f reader return, you use tht well when you do not over use it. As far as content goes I think this poem, depressing though it is (*wink*), really articulates the grotesque, showing how natu by itself is inherently corrupted and malevolent. It also seems to one up a sense of hope in the divine at the beginning of the fourth stanza, another of your signatures, and then this hope is stifled (which is not a consistent move for you-well done!). All in all, you are still much better at pseudo free verse than formal verse, but this does not mean you cannot become an incredible sonetteer!
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